July...already?

The year is flying by. That would be a good thing right now except that Connie's job situation is really no more settled than it was. She's sounding much more positive about it but I suspect that is because she is down in Orlando and I'm up here in Mississippi and we don't feed on each others fears, worries and depressions.

I'm wondering...is it possible to be happy and depressed at the same time? Most of the time lately I'm not really unhappy. I'm playing a lot of poker and almost all of it now at Sam's Town in Tunica. Connie told me after listening to me talk about it that it sounds almost like Cheers. You know, the bar from the TV show of the same name. Everybody doesn't know my name but enough do to give me a bit of a sense of belonging.

Anyway, back to being happy and depressed. Most times I'm happy when I'm playing poker and around a few people who, while not really friends, are maybe more than just acquaintances. Also I just plain like to play poker. It's one of the few things in my life I've felt I'm good at, at least in the limited way I play. I realize I'm a small minnow in a big pond but it's a pond made of smaller ponds and in my own pond I'm too big to eat so that's good. LOL sorry for the fish analogy but it's central to poker. Bad players, or players easily beat are called fish and the saying is that if you look around and can't spot the fish then YOU are the fish. Thankfully in the games I play I never really have to worry about sharks while I do get to, in as nice and pleasant a way as possible, get to devour my share of fish. They say seafood is good for you right? :)

When I"m not playing poker though I'm seldom motivated to DO anything. Doing any housework or yard work or even bothering to check email just seems like way too much work. Getting out of BED sometimes seems pointless. That is the part that sounds to me like depression. Yet come time to head to the casino to play poker, I'm generally up and moving and happy about it.

Part of it is also that it's pretty lonely here. I've never been one to make friends very easily. My best luck has always been online and I've not made a new online friend for several years and have let the ones I did have slip away by and large through inattention on my part mostly. Of course the few that were persistant and kept writing to me anyway are still around and I'm starting to write back more. Maybe it's NOT all my fault. Whatever the reason it's pretty lonely up here with Connie gone.

We do talk on the phone a lot though and really talking was most of what we did anyway. Other than just BEING here together. Cuddling of course sometimes...beyond that....doesn't really matter if she is here or there but who wants to hear about that? I suspect no one...probably not even me. It's depressing to think that phase of my life seems to be over at 52.

So all that is going on in my life, for the most part, is poker lately and this is not a poker blog. I have one of those even though I've not written in it in years and don't plan to start now. Im not about to tell ANYONE other than a VERY close friend possibly, now to survive playing poker the way I do. The pool of players is too small, one or two more of me around here and I'd never make any money and actually would begin to lose to the rake the casino takes. With the state of poker as it is thanks to the economy (I hope that's the reason) just beating the rake is an accomplishment in the limit games you can find these days.

Since this is NOT a poker blog and I really don't have anything but maybe lack of sex to write about anyway other than that I doubt I'll be writing here much. I'm sure from time to time I'll chime in. Lord knows I CAN write about anything...if I feel like it which I haven't. There's a whole world out there with endless things to write about and probably I'd feel better if I just rambled here every day. I know that....but I probably won't do it.

Take care ya'll....